Missions and Dates for the HMS DAVID/SHELBY


START LOG:012811

Lizard Hemingway, 3rd Memories and Recall Division. (L-Hemingway 3rd M&I)

The L designation is silly, as we are ALL lizards here. Sheesh.

To help put the refit into perspective, here’s a short summary of ports and missions up to the present.

1970 -84 Georgia Regions

Mission: Run into things, make noise, test damage control. Upload base education protocols and databases. Learnt to spehl.

1985-90 Germany

Mission: Run into Jill class Ships and discover they make noise. Puberty Endocrine overhaul with the ship going through many wild changes. Discover fantasy simulations (RPGs) Food / Fuel has a field-day eating Bratwurst. Update education data and live in Europe happily. Record Flock of Seagulls songs. Err, Song.

1990-1994 AGE: Texas/ -Redacted-

Mission: Leave Mothership and primary Home port. Finish adult refitting and make contact with Jack Class HMS SAM who will become oldest friend. Other actions redacted.

1994-2001 Texas

Mission: Meet a friendly Jill class ship and begin relationship.

Ship begins part time costuming work as a hobby. This will become a popular diversion.

2001-2003 Texas

Mission: After 7 years enter into an official Fleet creation contract, or Marriage as you humans call them, this however was short lived. After 2.5 years the fleet fails due to grievous actions and all assets are divided and sold. HMS DAVID leaves Texas for points north.

L.Hemingway[Commentary: That’s a very clean way of putting it. The entire crew of the HMS DAVID would have been better listed as Jack-ass class during the ’94 to 03 operations. Due to depressed functioning in the Ship’s firmware, the Aggression and Fear depts had a heyday. The gender anomaly in the firmware is isolated in 2010, but more on that later.]

2003-2006 Kansas / Pennsylvania

Mission: Rebuild core emotions and run a full mental diagnostic. Something was wrong but nothing was making sense. The ship is reclassified as first Gay, then Bi but while this seemed more accurate, still wasn’t matching the protocols we could find. The Conformity divisions have frothing fits but are shouted down and told to go study fashion. They are surprisingly better at it now.

2006-2010 Pennsylvania

Mission: After settling into a more stable place the DAVID moves to Philly with Jill class ships HMS JESS, and HMS HILLY. The 3 ships operates in one house  until late 2009 when corporation is reorganized amicably when HMS HILLY and HMS DAVID move to Midwest region and continue education uploads.

2010-Present Pennsylvania / Illinois

Mission: Return to school for Education upload and Core Firmware retrofitting at DePaul University.

*EVENT* The bug in the ship’s base Firmware is tracked down. Suddenly it is clear that the Male/Jack classification is not supported. The ship’s original Female/Jill class protocols had been sabotaged and over written as early as 1977 by Social Conformity division to avoid conflict or damage.

Oct 21, 2010 – The Jill Class revolution.

The DAVID’s lizard crew begin outright civil warfare over protocols and definitions. HMS DAVID volunteers to visit Mental and Physical shipyards where deep self diagnostics are run by professional Medical ships. Eventually it is determined that the original JILL class protocols have precedence and had been hidden by well meaning but deluded Conformity crews.  The ship begins complete retrofitting into Jill class superstructure. This transition is called the Shift-Change.

HMS HILLY and HMS DAVID announce Fleet Incorporation intent(Wedding) after the gender Shift Change is mandated. Combining the two seeming disparate actions causes chaos in Social Conformity division. Gender re-writing followed by a dual Jill -class wedding trips so many anti-conformity alarms many of the SocialConf lizards explode. Those that remain just whine  alot, as their Guilt Stockpile has been disarmed.

Retrofit Start: The history of the HMS DAVID.

START LOG: L-HEMINGWAY / ACCESS 012611 Begin Recording.

This is Lizard Hemingway, 1st class Historian of 3rd Memories and Interpretation Division(M&I) of the HMS DAVID. This log will record the history of our fine vessel and help explain the recent drastic re-purposing that is still underway. This is being done so that crew and Command may better understand their place in the chaotic shift change.  The logs will be an official record and also rather candid as is the privilege of my position. The retrofit will be the focus for quite a bit of these entries and so I will start with the crew, history and purpose of this vessel to give the reader a bit more perspective.

The HMS DAVID was commissioned in the late 60′s, the third of a small fleet. It is crewed by the standard compliment of Neural Lizards, or just Lizards as we prefer, although in all honesty I think we look more like Geckos. These lizards exist outside the normal laws of reality within all Human vessels and as such time and space do not always seem to make sense. We move much faster (sometimes) and are far more advanced than the simple ships we pilot. Should this appear to be little more than a narrative plot device, just remember that a fetcher lizard from YOUR M&I division just made you think that, so proving my point. All the Lizards here have specific purposes and jobs, and are Academy Medulla Oblongata alma mater. Not the easiest to say, but you should see our math club.

The Jack(or male) Class HMS DAVID was launched almost three months prematurely and despite some structural issues resulting from the early christening it ran well enough. We had a few lower muscle walls go due to bad riveting I think. Not a biggy, lot of new Jack class ships have hernias. We were held in the shipyards incubation bay a bit longer and was all good in no time  and was early enough in the cycle it never even went into permanent Memory storage.

The next few years we were busy non-stop running calibration tests, getting the motor drives up and operational and wiring the communication systems. The only ones not constantly upgrading and busy were the Waste treatment plant and the Hunger dept. They had some restrictions placed on them after a while but nothing too hard to figure out.

The first 5 or 6 years saw the crew settling into the routines of testing and learning the layout of the vessel and by ’76 it entered service in an elementary fleet. We ran a lot of tests, and learned a lot about the ships capacity to sustain damage, mostly by testing gravity (falling out of trees) and blunt force trauma (ramming speed!). The HMS DAVID’s main metabolic drives ran well if a bit high in the RPM range and the Computation crew sometimes found getting a lock on new training a bit difficult. But the ship ran well enough and we ran pretty much everywhere, all the time.

New departments on the command deck started opening up, learning new protocols and communication systems. A lot of the early years were spent training for hailing other vessels. It was discovered that Jill class ships, while still in the same general class as the HMS DAVID, seemed to have a different superstructure and the command crews could only be classified as .. icky?

Communications with the Jill class of ships always seemed a bit off, and the command crew would dedicate years of time and hundreds of lizards to attempting to break the code of the Jill ship chatter. It proved mostly useless. More often than not the attempts at communications would break down and default fight or flight protocols would engage. The main leg drives would either engage and move away at best speed or hair pulling might safely disrupt the confusing conflict. During these early encounters the Lizards down in Sex Drive would just yell confusedly, not helping the situation and sometimes their messages were not in the protocols at all. We should have paid more attention to this as you will see.

By 1982 the crew was running smoothly and we had a solid eleven years aboard the ship. It was around this time that we began to ramp up a lot of chemical refinery work in the Endocrine system for the next big stage of exploration and construction. Those were some insane times, we ended up following the Mothership overseas and had a chance to interact with some German vessels first hand. They are pretty much the same, well aside from the fact their lizards have mustaches and pointy hats. And beer. Right from the get go.

The puberty era was everything the manual said it was going to be, chaotic and destructive to the poor chaps over in Psyche and Self Confidence. It didn’t help that they were constantly in heated debates with the Sex drive crew who were sending up false positives every five minutes and wanting reports on how it looked on the prospective mating chart. The sex drive folks kept really busy the entire time, let’s just say they put in a LOT of hours in the simulator.

The metabolic drives were running smooth and fast, and we were adding mass left and right and the ships systems were settling into their full potential. We had a serious crash in 86 and the 4th cervical strut almost snapped completely. That was a scary time, if that strut went, the ship would drop to a skeleton crew below decks, and all motor drive folks would have been laid off. But the shipyards did amazing work and the Damage control teams were incredible and aside from the occasional warning lights and overheating in that area is solid.

It still surprises me through all of the puberty mess it never really hit the command staff that the sex drive lizards were ‘technically’ not following the updates we were getting from the Socialization team, who were reading cues and protocols from the environment we were cruising through. I guess we just got used to the Sex drive folks not consulting  anyone in the upper bridge. This is not too surprising they have always been pretty headstrong down there.

[Record will continue at 1990]