Battle Stations!

START LOG: 041711

L-Hemingway Recording.

Today in light of stress and possibly conflict, we aboard the SHELBY are preparing for a fight. Despite movies and books depicting otherwise it is actually quite rare for the average ship to find itself in real combat. Most conflict and stress is dealt with through conversation and subtler actions. Not that these aren’t a form of combat themselves.

There is a lot of stress lately, above and beyond what the retrofit is causing. This has alarms ringing in the Amygdala which is where the Self-Preservation Lizards work. The Fight or Flight crews have been running a LOT of drills. They are all very high strung and hand-picked for their quick response time, although they are a simple and single minded group. Their only concern is keeping the SHELBY alive and safe. They have been busy for a few reasons.

The first reason is new fuel injection system, or Estrogen delivery.

We are now injecting the Estrogen directly with a needle rather than taking it via pills. This technique is less painful than expected. However after 30 minutes of staring at the leg, then trying to move the arm, then staring at the needle, not much was happening. There are a lot of hardwired resistance to stabbing yourself apparently. It is still difficult to override all the safeties but eventually Allen(Arm/Hand Driver Starboard side) did it. All the while Larry is screaming about air embolisms, muscle damage, slicing some unknown nerve that will make the heart stop or other such craziness. It is also not to fun when the psycho L-Harry escapes and keeps offering suggestions like “Hey, just stab it in your heart, that’ll make it work faster.” Yeesh. That guy is creepy.

Larry just sat in the corner with his hands over his ears yelling ‘La la la’ until it was over.  I know we Lizards don’t have actual ears, but saying hands-over-the-tympanic membrane is clunky.

Larry’s possibly justified panic aside, the leg stabbing procedure saves wear and tear on the kidneys having to deal with the ingested type. The crew down in digestion and filtering are a lot happier now with the new fuel injection. Eventually we would like to go to the skin patch as it is even easier on the body.

However Estrogen isn’t the real concern. It’s Progesterone. This stuff is commonly used for Birth Control. Even with all the radical changes happening no one aboard the Shelby thinks it’s going to get pregnant. Aside from Larry. But the effects of this chemical are a powerful boost. All the same things like fat redistribution and  skin changes keep happening but the secondary sexual characteristics are expected to change faster.

However, this chemical is known to have some drawbacks. It can make the Command get all kinds of crazy readings and these are exhibited as sharp mood swings, uncontrolled emotional outbursts and the like. Command aboard the SHELBY hardly needs a new reason to be crazy. It basically tries to convince the system that the Shelby is pregnant. Which has predictably strange effects beyond Larry’s insistence that ‘IT COULD HAPPEN’.

So far we have been processing the Progesterone for 9 days and haven’t experienced any of the negative effects so we are optimistic.

We took the SHELBYout again last week into the public and she handled well, wandering down busy streets and going into a store to do some shopping. I hear that we even hailed another vessel and it went fine. This was the first interaction with an unknown ship completely as the SHELBY. Does wonders for the confidence levels.

With the recent chest growth and structural changes it’s becoming more difficult to travel about as a Jack class ship. We have 6 weeks of the current University training quarter left and the SHELBYstill travels there in the old HMS DAVID design. We will soon have to make stronger efforts to ensure we are seen by the other ship as a Jack class for a little bit longer. The official ship title and legal rechristening is planned for summer. Then the paperwork will be in process to drop the DAVID name and become SHELBY full time.

Now, the event that has reduced Larry to a whimpering puddle. On Friday the 21,  there will be a gathering at our home-dock. This is a group 6 members of the fiance’s family, or her fleet. Currently the ships of that fleet are classified as hostile. This fleet does not support the SHELBY’s retrofitting, so our vessel is just attempting to make this gathering pass with as little combat as possible.

No Lizards here think there will be a an actual war, nothing like that. However from what I know of the situation we expect a lot of arguments and passive aggressive actions. The ECM (Emotional Counter Measures) crew is running simulations non-stop to prepare for fights, comments or possible histrionics. I think that Renfeld’s (Imagination and Simulations) dramatic simulations of these worst case scenarios a bad idea, as it seems to make things worse, but what do I know about fighting, I’m just a clerk in the memory division.

Harry has recommended going into the meeting very drunk. While attractive, this is not an option.

Up in the brain pan Command is telling everyone to remain calm and that projections show the meeting as being far less damaging than expected. However while the retrofit makes the Shelby a prime target of aggression, we fear the real combat will bear down on our partner ship. Her mother-ship has made it clear that her sadness lies more in the fact that the upcoming fleet creation ceremony(or wedding) is between two Jill class ships. Technically a “Marriage” not legal between two Jill class vessels in our current location. However we will be completing the paperwork for the event while the SHELBY is still technically a Jack(Male) class vessel. So there are no legal issues with the marriage.  When the SHELBY’s official gender designation changes to Jill, the government has no legal means of nullifying the marriage just because it is NOW between two female vessels. So there. Pbtbtbtb!

Sorry, that was hardly dignified. I take my liberties in this log when I can.

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